Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
