Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
