We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
