ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
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