I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
How does one acquire holy water?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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