woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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