if i can run in heels then i can drive
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It's shark week go big or go home
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
