i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
