ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
