i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize