I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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