I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
