im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
