I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
