the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
