At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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