OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm jealous of your bromance
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
