i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Randomize
