As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
