I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
