i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
dude i'm inner monologue high
My pussy is not your playground.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
