Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
