so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
