If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
