thus making me awesome and them whores
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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