I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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