I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
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Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
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I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm getting married
To pizza
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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