Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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