so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
