i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
