Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
