I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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