Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
