One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
