i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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