Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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