I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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