it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize