dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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