Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
