Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
