I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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