Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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