Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
