I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
