just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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