Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i came on her dog
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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