I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
