then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
