you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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