her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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