I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
