I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
