bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
