omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize