can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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