This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
