Where is the hickey?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
