Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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