So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
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Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
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He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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