hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
