found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
my shit smells like andre
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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