I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
